Yes I've changed... No I'm not sorry!

Today, while talking to a friend about an issue in my life I have been struggling with, she said the words..."he said you've just changed" those words are words that in my past have made me really think about how I was living my life, and the actions that caused the words to become true. But this time they hit me straight to the heart! The one who made the comment, at one time was the only one I really wanted to please, my partner in crime, the one who I would listen to for hours and them tell him my deepest thoughts. I learned his life stories, and considered him one of the greatest things to ever happen to me... I knew, he was the one I would miss the most while miles away! 

Before I left for Africa I had a ton of friends, I was a people person and I loved people! BUT I was also a people pleaser, even if I knew it was wrong and it wasn't what I wanted to do, I would partake in it because the fear of losing people in my life was horrifying! I was not living my life, with God as the focus, with God as the center of every moment and every thought! And let's face it, life in general but defiantly 10000 miles away from the only thing you have ever know, with people of different culture and a different language... God becomes the ONLY familiar part of life! 

You guys to be completely honest, there is no way I could have done what I did with out the strength of God. Period!! 

Anyways those first days I spent every free moment I had, on my face or with my face in the bible searching for peace, guidance and strength! Not only was there nothing else to do, but it was the only way I was going to make it though! It was in those moments of brokenness that I was truly restored! God stole my heart and I literally fell in love with him! 

He changed my heart, and with that of course it changed the person inside! 

Yes where I used to never talk about The Lord, it is now my FAVORITE thing to do! 

Yes where I used to be driven off of the friends and people around me my FAVORITE  moments of my day are the ones spent alone on my face before The Lord! 

I understand I am not the girl I used to be.. BUT for the first time in my life REBA is the happiest girl alive!! 

Today God showed me that although I do miss the people in my past, more then anyone would ever understand. And I go every single day of my life, wishing for the moments I would spend with the ones who used to drive my life. I have been given this new life, and am being driven by something more greater then anything I could ever dream up!! I am not the same girl who used to enjoy those moments! It does not mean that I am done with those people and I will never enjoy those moments again.... I just have to choice, rather I become the person that they miss.. Or I stay the person I now love, and miss them and my past... And The choice is mine! 

I post this blog to say... For once in my life I am going to make REBA happy! I am going to be the REAL REBA, that has always been inside... I just compromised to make other people love her!! 

THIS is the Reba, God created! Say goodbye to the old Reba, who was created for a human, sinful purpose! And say hello to REBA the girl that God created for HIS purpose! :D